Self Introduction: What an Oddity. Who Am I?

I open the closet door.

I stare into the void.

Except it isn't quite the void.

From behind the glass, someone stares back at me.

Who are you?

Who am I?

Such simple questions, such hard answers.

Me?

Honestly, I can’t start with the regular categories because

I don’t quite have the answers.

I don't know much about myself.

Rather, I believe I should start with why this predicament came to be.

I woke up recently.

 Conception found a veil to shudder behind, certainty decided to go play with someone else, leaving me standing here alone in the dark. What I had been calling my dream started looking me right in the eye and insinuating that it was a messy combination of the things I hated the most.

 A while ago, I was all about asking myself a whole pile of big “why”s and “what”s.

Why do we live? What do we want so much? What would you want at the end of everything?

Why should I wonder about any of this?

 So it is that much of everybody goes through this sort of thing at our age, but knowing that didn’t do anything to dull the intense feeling of emptiness that suddenly became such a big part of my day.

 Then came the era of the KMLA application. I must say, it did finest job of boiling down what little bits and pieces was left of me and gobbling it up. I had to think about myself critically all of a sudden. There were so many decisions to make. I denied that all at first, saying I couldn’t state myself when I didn’t know about such a person.

Then I became deeply religious.

 Religion is the only word to describe the unbreakable faith I established about myself, though it wasn’t at all a child of pure or lofty thoughts. I decided I was this, only this, and that, only that. I learned to believe that nothing had happened and all the things I had liked, all my dreams, all the ideals I’d had were still very there and very solidly mine still.

What a liar.

 


No, it isn't about abortion

 After the interview day, I grew into my new mold. I accepted the confusion, the ignorance, and the misery. Now it’s a part of me: no shame. It’s so much easier when you just recognize yourself and where you are. It’s so much simpler to be honest when you start being honest to yourself.



 So please don’t be alarmed when I state I am extremely depressed with the smiliest face in the world. I believe there are people who are positive (not in the sense of optimism, more like the concept of yang), and people who sprout on the opposite side: people negative (sort of yin).

I’m a negative.

Don’t mind it much.

 

With all that alien and largely disturbing background sort of sorted out, I will now once again timidly attempt to approach your typical self-introduction questions.



Where do I belong?

 I am a student of KMLA, an 18^th waver, in class 행정 6반, in 수업 10v3, room 710 in the dormitory, with the number not 24601 but 131076.



Where did this creature come from?

 I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia. Don’t worry, because I was flown right to Korea in a week or so. I went to four different elementary schools, one in Abbotsford, Canada (somewhat near Vancouver), and I mostly lived in Mokdong, Seoul before coming here to KMLA.

The much refined version of my face
in KMLA uniform

What kind of personality do I possess?

 I am sad and dark in the inside, but outside I am described by my friends mainly as one out of 3 very different characters. I am said to be scary, cute, or quiet: which seems weird, but now again we’re talking about the girl who believes in yang fellows and yin people. Rather crazy and funny is what you would think of me if you talked in text with me, probably online. In real, you would identify me as slightly standoffish (if you don’t know this word, please immediately read ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ by Lemony Snicket) until you got to know me better, and then you would describe me as a mostly friendly existence.

What are the things that make my heart race?

 There are some things I still can define as things I like. Snow is a permanent member. More volatile favorites are lemonade, sweetness, the color cream, and intricate or gloomy drawings.

 I am also easily moved by blinding brilliance (as in light), hugeness (does anybody else feel overwhelmed by the simply massive mountain-bridge structure that you see and pass under when driving to KMLA?), and long eyelashes.

 I like to draw, or at least I used to fanatically obsessed about drawing. It’s something I naturally reach out to when I have nothing to do. Sometimes I really am fascinated by the pure joy that emanates out of the activity, and sometimes it’s just a habit absent of meaning.

 From time to time I like particular songs. Currently, my database has run dry, so I would be very much grateful for recommendations.

 My cellphone is also crucial in my existence. Definitely.


What do I dislike?
I don't like to stuff myself, don't like studying. I despise grammar and math problems. Cucumbers should hide themselves in shame off the face of our planet. Pretty people dressed sloppily and intelligent people fully aware of their intelligence are sorry sights to me.

Influenced by webtoons,
I think

What is my dream?

I have no dream.

 What was closest to a conclusion after the whole dump of agony was that life as a whole doesn’t have much meaning; what we achieve at the end is nothing, really. So instead, I find it would be worthwhile to instead not miss the fleeting moments of beauty that peek into the bare asphalt roads called our lives, and waves with a slight smile. But if I would have a profession, I would do something in the field of art. Originally, being a fashion designer was my dream since the age of three. But the process of writing the KMLA application wore out all the shine in that, and now a new subject has introduced itself; cartoons. They mean something.

 

What am I good at? What is my hobby?

 I like drawing, as I mentioned. The kind of things I draw is mainly illustrations, of which non are quite finished and most probably never will be. I don’t know why I shifted to illustrations, because all I used to draw were human beings displayed in a mannequin-like fashion: to show clothes, hair, and face. I draw rather strange and eerie things that most people at least put on a puzzled look at.

 I am rather fond of the English language. I have only been abroad for a year and a half, so it would very much be a stretch to say I am as comfortable with the language as a native speaker. But I sometimes feel English a better means of communicating and illustrating myself than Korean. There are just those words, phrases, and ideas only in English.
 I have also been playing the cello for about seven years. I am currently doing Popper's <Tarantella>(go four minutes into the video), a piece that is supposed to be a dance of tarantula poison or a dance with the devil.

I trust that nobody will have read through this too carefully; the sheer length makes even myself scrunch up my reading face.

I think that is a good thing.

Please get to know me personally in a slow fashion.

Have a pleasant day by forgetting all that was mentioned here.

Tee hee hee

Oh and here's a link to the best self introduction I have seen so far.

It's a 선배 from the 16th wave